Do you fret about E numbers? Scour the small print of ingredients labels trying to decipher toxic sounding additives? Sideburn #14 doesn’t need artificial sweeteners or yucky saccharine, it’s pure, wholesome and nutritional. Hell you could even let your pet hamster chew it to pieces with no ill side-effects. But we recommend humans only need to suck one page a day to stay fit and healthy. Buy yours today! BP

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